Adventures in Coffee Land and "Soda Pop" from Shortbus

See, I'm not a coffee drinker, and that's where the problem begins. Yesterday I was at an important meeting at work, with a few executives brought in from related organizations, and everybody was drinking Starbucks coffee catered in for the meeting. I do enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate, so I thought, "Well, why not try coffee? Is it really that different? Besides, everybody else seems to be doing it."

It's thinking like this which usually gets a person in trouble. (Anybody else remember D.A.R.E. classes from elementary school? Officer McGruff would have had a few things to say about that.)

I've got nothing against coffee, really. It smells great. I love the smell of coffee brewing, especially in the morning, and maybe even bacon frying. But then again, that’s all a little bit “Midwestern farmhouse fantasy,” isn’t it? Coffee is expensive, especially in its Starbucks form, and it’s not that great for breath (I once had a boyfriend who was a religious coffee drinker, and when I kissed him it reminded me of kissing a nursing home patient), and it’s hell on teeth coloring, but regardless of all that I decided to take the plunge. I poured myself a cup of coffee, poured in a little half-and-half, and then added some Splenda.

Then I sat, notepad in lap, pen in hand, ready to do the meeting.

Ten minutes passed. Suddenly my brain felt a little squeezed, a little sped up. I started tapping my pen on my notepad. My foot started wagging under the table, at the kind of speed where you mostly see a blur instead of a shoe. I felt flushed and undid a button on my shirt.

When the meeting finished I went back to my office, and found myself rooting through piles and piles of papers on my desk, looking for something, half-unsure of what I was looking for, or where exactly to find it. At the same time I began clicking through e-mails at furious speed, skimming my messages, and banged out replies that I’m sure were utterly incoherent.

Suddenly I felt like Whitney Houston from the days of her reality TV show, all sweaty and mumbling and nonsensical, or like Amanda Lepore running naked down the highway, painted pink, in that crazy art video. I was pretty much two steps away from full-scale Alice in Wonderland.

And then I had to go to the bathroom.

Great.

What they say about drinking coffee and needing to go to the bathroom is apparently true.

Eventually I walked, airport speed, to the nearest vending machine and loaded myself down with a peanut butter granola bar, animal crackers, and bottled water, and flushed my system.

An hour or so later I was mostly back to normal. I redid my button. I took a long swig of water. And then I decided that maybe I should just stick to hot chocolate from now on.

I loved the movie Shortbus. (More about seeing the New York City premiere of the film and meeting cast members here.) One of the moments I loved in the movie involves a great little acoustic song called "Soda Pop" written and performed by Shortbus cast member Jay Brannan. It was at that moment of the film that I thought, "Hmmm, I think I might want to own this soundtrack."

Below Jay Brannan performs the song, sans shirt, in the bathroom of his apartment. On a more disturbing censorship note, Jay tells us that IMDB, the website that tracks films, cast members, and their production crews, etc., is no longer listing Shortbus and its cast members in relation to the film because the website has deemed the film "inappropriate." Users now have to log into IMDB and assert they are adults before they can access information about the film. I'm not so fond of that.

In any case, enjoy the song (which starts half-way through the video) and Mr. Jay Brannan.

To see the clip from Shortbus where the song is used, click here. (The clip is about as PG-rated as you can get.)

Comments

[Sam]

Stay away from meth, then!

[Tim]

I just checked the "Shortbus" IMDB page and had no trouble accessing it... Maybe common sense has prevailed?

[tatem]

hey guys, i love your blog. i was just curious to know how many people are visiting your site? a couple 1000 a day?

[travis]

that guy from short bus is great! he's lucky that he got to get it on with both of those guys. great movie even besides all of that. when does it come out on dvd?

[zeff]

black coffee is gross :[
starbucks is known for other stuff too you know - try a chai tea latte or passion tea lemonade. expensive bc it wont make you puke!

[chris]

i hate coffee. i really do. like you i love the smell of it. however ive become addicted to iced vanilla soy lattes. i dont know what to do.

[nick]

more jay love on his myspace: http://www.myspace.com/jaybrannan - including a few more shirtless songs. awesome stuff.

[Leland]

So, I'd love to know how you know what kissing a nursing home patient is like.....I mean, the way I kissed my great grandmother when she was in a nursing home was nowhere near how I kiss my boyfriend!

As for coffee...yeah, I won't drink it unless its loaded with caramel. Mmmmmm...caramel.....

[Roy]

I've seen that clip before, and I think he has a real talent! I haven't seen the movie yet, but most definitely will when it comes out on DVD. I am a coffee drinker (Venti White Mocha's from Sbucks) so it really doesn't affect me like that any more!

[Josh H.]

Tim, I think you're right. I think IMDB uncensored the "Shortbus" links. Smart move.

Tatem, we got 60,000 hits in the month of January, and we're grateful for every one of 'em.

Travis, "Shorbus" comes out on DVD in March. We're going to try and do another feature then.

Leland, as for kissing the elderly, I have to say it was a case of using my imagination, especially since older folks are quite fond of downing the java.

Talk to you soon, guys!

[mama joey]

So.... I'm not the only one who thinks coffee causes satan to ooze from my pores. I have a love-hate relationship. If I have any before a 1) date 2) client or 3) trip longer than 15 minutes I am SCREWED. I cannot handle the caffeine apparently. I use it when driving from Portland to California because it's the only thing that keeps me safely awake. Caffeine whores, the lot of you.

One time, a client was in an office for a meeting drinking an energy drink and we walked across the street to a cafe... where he got a QUADRUPLE shot espresso. And then informed me that he'd chugged one prior to meeting me in my office... meaning eight shots and an 'energy' drink within two hours. And he was still breathing—not even twitchy. WOW.