See, I'm not a coffee drinker, and that's where the problem begins. Yesterday I was at an important meeting at work, with a few executives brought in from related organizations, and everybody was drinking Starbucks coffee catered in for the meeting. I do enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate, so I thought, "Well, why not try coffee? Is it really that different? Besides, everybody else seems to be doing it."
I've got nothing against coffee, really. It smells great. I love the smell of coffee brewing, especially in the morning, and maybe even bacon frying. But then again, that’s all a little bit “Midwestern farmhouse fantasy,” isn’t it? Coffee is expensive, especially in its Starbucks form, and it’s not that great for breath (I once had a boyfriend who was a religious coffee drinker, and when I kissed him it reminded me of kissing a nursing home patient), and it’s hell on teeth coloring, but regardless of all that I decided to take the plunge. I poured myself a cup of coffee, poured in a little half-and-half, and then added some Splenda.
Then I sat, notepad in lap, pen in hand, ready to do the meeting.
Ten minutes passed. Suddenly my brain felt a little squeezed, a little sped up. I started tapping my pen on my notepad. My foot started wagging under the table, at the kind of speed where you mostly see a blur instead of a shoe. I felt flushed and undid a button on my shirt.
When the meeting finished I went back to my office, and found myself rooting through piles and piles of papers on my desk, looking for something, half-unsure of what I was looking for, or where exactly to find it. At the same time I began clicking through e-mails at furious speed, skimming my messages, and banged out replies that I’m sure were utterly incoherent.
Suddenly I felt like Whitney Houston from the days of her reality TV show, all sweaty and mumbling and nonsensical, or like Amanda Lepore running naked down the highway, painted pink, in that crazy art video. I was pretty much two steps away from full-scale Alice in Wonderland.
And then I had to go to the bathroom.
What they say about drinking coffee and needing to go to the bathroom is apparently true.
Eventually I walked, airport speed, to the nearest vending machine and loaded myself down with a peanut butter granola bar, animal crackers, and bottled water, and flushed my system.
An hour or so later I was mostly back to normal. I redid my button. I took a long swig of water. And then I decided that maybe I should just stick to hot chocolate from now on.
I loved the movie Shortbus. (More about seeing the New York City premiere of the film and meeting cast members here.) One of the moments I loved in the movie involves a great little acoustic song called "Soda Pop" written and performed by Shortbus cast member Jay Brannan. It was at that moment of the film that I thought, "Hmmm, I think I might want to own this soundtrack."
Below Jay Brannan performs the song, sans shirt, in the bathroom of his apartment. On a more disturbing censorship note, Jay tells us that IMDB, the website that tracks films, cast members, and their production crews, etc., is no longer listing Shortbus and its cast members in relation to the film because the website has deemed the film "inappropriate." Users now have to log into IMDB and assert they are adults before they can access information about the film. I'm not so fond of that.
In any case, enjoy the song (which starts half-way through the video) and Mr. Jay Brannan.
To see the clip from Shortbus where the song is used, click here. (The clip is about as PG-rated as you can get.)